VL / Yes or No

Sunday, November 13, 2011 @ 11:07 PM

Every night like this, i cry to bed.

You won't understand the pain I am dealing with. No one do. Only me. I am tired facing everything alone. This feeling is killing me.

Saturday, November 5, 2011 @ 1:31 PM

November comes, bad start of the month

"Sometimes i wonder if anyone in this world understands me. In the past, i cried with my friends around. I felt blessed because at least i know there is someone there with me. Now, i cry alone. I wonder if i still have the will to live on. Oh lord, i am losing it. Is it the sign of you wanting me to be part of you? "

Many things happened this year. I was happy before, to be exact, I was happy last year. When my friends were there to bring me joy and you were there. But now, everything changed. Get into this new environment and i resist to change. Why? Because I love and enjoy the past. They are wonderful memories and never i have expected i would become so upset in this new environment. I feel that I don't belong here. Every morning I come to school, is just purely to do what I am supposed to do-get educated and leave. I find no motivation and joy coming to school, not like in the past anymore. Why? I always question myself. But the more I questioned, the more I cry. I miss the past, I despise my current life and I see no future. Things are so hard here. Getting a degree seems so hard and far from me.

And, family issues. I don't understand. I am spending my own money, they are unhappy. Okay, I know I always spend and I am using up my own savings, but isn't this what girls always do? Not that i have always take money from you before I leave the house. I know that savings are important, but I am not excessively spending my money like hundreds a month?

Curfews. For this 17 years of my life, I have never get home after the clock strikes 12 at night when I am out with my friends. The only one time I am allowed is when i got to prom last year. That's the ONLY time. And last night, I got home before 11 and you nagged at me, he nagged at me. Why? I am just merely coming home after 10 and you have to start nagging. The WHOLE family argue with me. What's the matter? I am already 17 this year and you still have to do this? And I has been so long since I come home at that time. AND it's not even after 11!

My brother. Last night I cried so badly not because I made him upset and I am so sorry. He, who is younger than me, said such harsh things to his sister. He said that I don't think like him, and he is trying to bring across that oh, he uses his brain so well that he is a mature man. Oh please, everyday I heard him boosting about how great he was with his studies and ended up getting results like shit. So wow, he is MORE mature than me? He uses his BRAIN huh? I am so impressed. WOW. A person who use a brain will not boost when he doesn't have the ability to do it. If you said that you can get good grades, then better prove it to me. Don't get so yaya and talk cock in front of me when you can't do it. That will make me lose confidence in you.

Lord, I beg of you. Give me strengths to live on.

Saturday, October 15, 2011 @ 10:40 PM

Good things come, definitely.

Finally its the END OF PROMOS. yeah, i have overcome the major milestone of this year...OH WAIT. yeah, i still need to push myself for the final one- namely the Alevels Chinese and my OP presentation. Yes, I HATE TO DO PRESENTATION.

I am quite surprise with my results. I did it! For the first time i passed my gp paper 2 and got an A for my Chinese paper. That's a huge encouragement for me before my actual A levels! Finally my languages are showing some improvements. Thank god. And yes, finally a A for my maths paper too! Was really upset with my results during CT. ): And, i seriously can't figure out what happened to my biology! Didn't expect that i did better as compared to my secondary school. Maybe i do have the passion for biology! haha. As for my chem and econs, I NEED TO WORK HARDER! ): Econs is so hard. Should have opt for H2 biology comb. instead. Oh well, gotta work hard for next year then. FIGHT ON BABY!

Friday, September 30, 2011 @ 8:19 PM

Yes, i believe time heals.

Hey guys. Sorry for the lack of updates. My JC life has been keeping me real busy, with tonnes of revisions and assignments to be done daily. Well, sometimes i wonder should i ever thank JC for keeping me occupied though, so that i can really immerse myself into all these work and refrain from engaging in unnecessary thoughts that are unlikely to happen.

Anyway, was busying preparing for my major exams-PROMOS. Mind you, it is really a killer. So demanding and i must say it is really not pragmatic to complete my papers within the time limit. Sigh. So yeah, i have to train to get things done in a faster speed. This will be hard for me, i know. ): But i am going to try. Life is about trying and getting it, isn't it?

As the year is coming to the end, yes, i am so freaking glad! This year has been a tough, and well, considered meaningful for me. I met great friends. Friends which i believe i can continue to keep in contact even for the rest of my life. They are becoming part of my life and i really appreciate that. Perhaps i am regretting coming to JC due to the unbearable stress level that i have to be consistently deal with, yet i feel glad to be here. Because i know friends that are worth to keep. No pretending, just purely showing their true feelings and emotions! Of course, not forgetting my secondary schools friends too! They are equally as great as them, seriously. As for some, it is really not worth to keep in touch with. I am so sick of all these dramas where you will need to 'act' as if you really like hanging out with them. I had enough. So well, it is good for you guys to take the initiative first. So i am just doing my part too- removing you guys out of my life. I just hope that we can forget all the unhappiness that we had and get on with our life. Perhaps just forget that we are once good friends and let's be pure acquaintances ya. We will have a better impression of each other. A win-win situation. As for some whom i have hurt, i have not forget about you guys. I am really sincere to resolve this and, i have never given up on any friendship. i won't and i will never will. I am in silence for now because i understand that you are still holding grudges against me. So,i shall wait for a while more. I hope you haven't given up on me yet and you still want me to be your friend. I really hope you are.

As my life journey progress, i have to admit that i am getting better with life, and accepting all these hard truths and take failure more seriously. Yes, i am looking forward to become an real adult! (:

Alright, time to get serious and shall give my best shot for my last 2 papers! Fighting!!!!!

Thursday, September 8, 2011 @ 12:30 AM

I once dream to marry you...

i hate myself that i have to rely on you. Because you are only one that know what to say and do when i tell you how i feel. And the more i rely on you, the more i cant let you go. But i know i have to.. move on. i know you wont have time for me, because i am not your priority. I know you have been always finding time to meet me. Thank you.

And yes, i did thought that you are my future. i dream to marry you, and spend the rest of my life with you. but i know this is impossible. You gave up before me. you made me realized that it is really impossible. So i know. i shouldn't be dreaming anymore. Because you are going to marry someone else and i, will leave with someone else. And i am gotta to see you get married before i could.

Sunday, August 28, 2011 @ 9:46 PM

I hate how i am being changed by others. Fuck the world.

yeah, i think i have changed. ever since i stepped into this fucking place and everything changes. The world here is already moving too fast. Too fast till i can't catch my breathe sometimes. Till i wish i can just leave and go to do other stuff. Then, this fucking place forces me to go even faster. I AM JUST A HUMAN. I AM JUST AN AVERAGE STUDENT WITHOUT GENIUS'S BRAIN. Fuck you seriously.

What if one day i just can't endure anymore with such a pain and pressure and gone bonkers?

Friday, July 22, 2011 @ 10:01 PM

If i am given one more chance, i will still choose to fall for you.

11 July 2011

Happy 17. It has been great being alive in this world. Though i do complain, cure and swear. i am glad to be alive. To get the taste of love, joy, sadness. Thank god i am alive to love you, and feel your love. Thank you god for allowing to meet awesome friends. Thanks for giving me a normal life. Thanks for giving me all the flaws so that i can improve on. Thanks for making me feel loved by many people. And thank god i have met you. And yes, i know god will always watch me grow and protect me. Thank you.

Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

I am lucky to have what i have. Thank god.